The ugly truth of favouritism.... We may not admit it out loud but we have one

I love to shop, ask my dear hubby.  I'm a typical woman.  I like a bargain, like new things and love to buy gifts for others. It's in my nature.  I buy stuff for my kids all the time as they grow fast and are hard on their clothes and shoes.  If your child is in sports that's a whole other shopping expense and it adds up quickly.   I have a son in band, lacrosse, snow boarding, downhill mountain biking and dirt biking..the list can go on and on.  My daughter most of the same sports but is a dancer and will be in band next year.   Now being a "dance" mom, I like to for my daughter to have fun things to wear to dance be it new shorts, tights, shoes, body suits.  It's fun shopping for girls, or at least I think so. 

I have a wonderful bond with both of my children.  I love them both and want nothing but the best for them in life.  However one day a few years ago my son called me out on something I'd not fully admitted to myself.  He told me that I favoured his sister.  That I do lots for her, take her shopping, take her to her dance competitions, that I live at the dance studio, the mall and other random places with his sister and we do word search together at night some times.  Now I was hurt by this accusation that I favoured one child over another.  I thought "what mother would do that?"   I was even mad at him for saying it.  It sat with me these words he expressed to me.  He had the bravery and confidence to tell me how he felt. My thoughts where  how long was he feeling this way?  Did I really make him feel neglected?  Did I favour my daughter over my son?

I pondered over these very questions over a few days.  I looked back on the last few months, even years.   After doing this I came to a realization, my son was right.   It was never intentional to favour a child over another.  However he was right, I did favour his sister over him and I can admit it. Deep down I really did favour her over him.  No parent truly ever wants admit to it ,but Ya I got called on it so why not be honest about it right.  Even though its not even that way completely.  For me it was realizing that as my children grew up I found common ground and likes with my daughter over my son.   My son loves sports, drawing, video games, skate boarding.  He's also become a teenager and I know how much teen boys love to hang out at the mall with their moms, getting nails done or just talking about stuff. ( NOT).  I do all that with my daughter. 

I realized that I needed to make my son not feel the way he was feeling as he was justified to his feelings.  I started to truly listen to him and what he needed from me as his parent.  He doesn't need me nor does he want me to do the stuff I do with his sister, but he wants to have quality time with him.  Like going to his practices and games, to listen to him when he player his guitar ( not in the same room of course ) unless it's at a school concert. He needs my support, and cheering him on. I need to be invisible but visible when he needs it. One on one time be it a lunch or just checking in on him with school work or other activities he likes.   I promised myself after talking to him that he was right to call me out on something I never though I would do but  I did. 

My goal is now to treat my kids equally.  It's still hard some days, but in the end I think we will all be thankful for that one moment in time that my son stood his ground and spoke from the heart how he was feeling and I am so proud of him that he did.  It took guts and I will feel bad about making him feel like that for a very long time to come.

Now I know I'm not the only parent who favours one child over another.  It was a hard pill to swallow once I did admitted to it.  There are many of us out there who do.  I see it everyday.  We know it's not intentional but we do have to stop it.  I know I am.  Both my kids need for me to be there for them equally as they are both super stars in their own unique way. Plus I never want for either of my kids to feel that way again.  Love and be loved everyone, it's what makes this world we live in a much better place. 

❤️️️️️️NYTS 

Unintentionally body shaming our own kids... We need to stop the cycle.

A week ago I was watch an old episode of Greys Anatomy from the 1st season on Netflicks.  A part of it was about  a college age teen girl who went to Mexico for a gastric bypass surgery so that she could get the approval from her harsh crizitizing mother who made her feel bad about her weight, the freshman 15 lbs that most college girls gain.  As I sat there I looked at my daughter who is 11 almost 12 years old and I started to think to myself, " God do I put my own  body issue hang ups upon her?"   This episode really hit home for me in so many ways.   Watching the father character look at his wife in horror as she got mad at her daughter for " taking the easy way out so that she doesn't have eat and excersize properly with this surgery," to which by the way in the show was botched up and teen girl will now have a hard time eating and processing foods for the rest of her life.  It was Tragic in my eyes be it made for TV or real life.   I have heard phrases like this one used over the years since my teens towards friends and aquinances up to some youth of today.

I will admit to talking to my daughter about how to take care of her body.  I want for  her to learn from my mistakes.  I want for her to have a healthy body image.  I know how hard it can be for girls being pre teen and teenage years.  I grew up in the 80's and it was nothing compared to what girls and even boys have to deal with in this day and age.  However girls with their bodies changing from things like growing breasts, getting their monthly period, shaving legs, wearing make up, dealing with their romantic  feelings, pier pressure from friends, family and boys if they are at the age of dating its some what the same. It's a whole new territory for familes to go through.  I find I am very thankful for having a son and a daughter as I can't imagine having more than one girl and I commend those who do as its a lot of work and perseverance to deal with.  I joke with my hubby that there are days I can see why some parents may drink after dealing with a hormonal teen aged girl.  I also call my mom and tell her I am sorry for the stress I may have caused her and for never giving up on me during those years.

I think putting our own body shaming trigger on to our girls is horrible.  It breaks them down, puts their own self esteem and self worth in turmoil.  Some times to the point of pushing our girls to eating disorders or self harm.  I know media has a big part to play into this but we can't always blame the media for everything.   We moms need to start loving our own bodies.  We need to stop putting our damaged outlook into our daughters thought process. We need to teach our girls to love their bodies for what they can do, to embrace what they may consider flaws which could be anything from a scar, thick thighs,  not having a perfect smile, a belly of any size,  hates her hair ,doesn't feel they look good in a bathing suit,  I can go on and on with this " list" but I think you all get the picture.  Make the journey of learning to love your own bodies mom a joint journey.  Make the change and help our kids.  Be the one who stops this crazy cycle of body shaming.  Let's be the generation of moms who instills the change of loving our bodies.  The buck stops here and now. I know I am doing this change and I hope you will too.  I know it is hard for some to learn to love their bodies, but I tell you it us so worth it.  My  final parting words to all us moms is this," we can't teach our daughters to love their bodies if we don't love our own."  So start loving your body. ❤️️️️️️NYTS

Funny things that make your day....

I was looking all over for my beloved iPad as I misplaced. This is something I give my kids a lecture on weekly as they misplace their stuff ALL the time.  I found the it this morning after giving up looking for it for over an hour yesterday.   Funny thing is I really didn't miss it that much.  I use it to look at social media, online shopping, reading news articles and recipes.  However when I found it this morning once opening up my email I get this message that I've reach a "milestone".  What milestone have I gotten too? I opened it up to find I've walked up over 4000 flights of stairs.  Oddly this put a huge smile on my face, you know that goofy one we all get after reading about great news.  For me this was huge!  I've been dabbling off and on over the last few years trying to make myself accountable for my fitness and health. I wear a fit bit almost every day for the last year. I try to do my minimum 10,000 steps per day.  Some days are easier than others. However this little email made me proud. It made me laught at myself too later on as I put a value on this.  This put a bounce in my step, made me walk taller and standing up straighter. It's silly I know, but I did and it made my day.

                         

The other thing that kills me is my dog, Stella.  She has this goofy way about her.  She wants us to play fetch with her but has no concept on dropping the item she wants us to throw for her.  Heaven only knows how much we try to teach her this skill.  When we get the item from her to toss it, she has the bunny like hop when she goes to retrieve her ball or stuff toy. It cracks us all up. She makes us laugh so hard some days.  She also has the cute sideways walk when she's trying to get around things or had her Halloween costume on last weekend.  She was a cute little cow with udders.   She did not like the extra tail at all. Her hoping and sideways walking can always make my day brighter no matter what.

                           

The last thing that can always make my day better is when my preteen and teen age kids come up to me out of the blue and tell me unprovoked I might add, that they love me. There is no better feeling in the world for a mom to hear these 3 words from their kids, no matter what age they are.  They are like an invisible hug. No better feeling than that.

So think about all the funny or loving things that make our days as each of us has a few.  Enjoy them no matter how quirky, odd, normal, comforting they are to you or anyone else. They can be an everyday thing or something out of the blue like a complement or an email.  We all need a thing that can make us smile daily or even bring us laughter. I truly believe that laughter in life is the best medicine.

❤️️️️️NYTS 

    

The false sense of " perfectionism".

Flipping through a magazine the other day looking an article on someone else's home and drooling over the glossy photos of their timeless designed,  clean, uncluttered everything white home with 4 kids and 2 golden labs.  Their house is stunning, an old farm house from 1905 and they gave it a complete make over but some how kept the old comfy charm.  Loved it, I love this house.  I want this house on these pages to be my house. I have to remind myself this is staged to look like this for the photo shoot. However, I wish I could have that home for 1day.

                                    

                                         ( the room the magazine makes me wish I had)

  I look up from the article to see my home, not the same by any standards.  Don't get me wrong, I love our home.  We too have done our fair share of renovations.  At one time we where the house that others in the cult de sac envied.  We put in crown moulding, new kitchen, new flooring, renovated main bathroom.  We took our home from the 70's to the 2000's.  We "live" in our home.  It's not decluttered like the one I was reading about ( oh trust me I wish it was). Not everything is shiney and new.  We have repurposed a lot of things.  We did splurge on our 100% virgin New Zealand Wool carpet, a metal roof and new Eco paved driveway.  But it's not perfect.  It's not staged to look perfect. It's messy, dusty, the floors aren't always washed and my big secret is I will light scented candles when I'm too busy to clean my house properly to give the  illusion of a sweet fresh clean abode. I'm sure I am not the only one doing that in this world.

Our homes are a lot like our lives.  We are mostly all looking at what everyone else has.  We compare our lives, our homes, cars, kids everything to what some one else has. I call this " the false sense of perfectionism".  It's an illusion.  We all create it. We all feel the need to be perfect in all areas of our lives.  Be it as it may, we all need to step back and take a hard look at our own realities and see what truly is important to us in our own personal lives.   For me it's that nice house in the magazine that I crave.  Some one in the world may want the home I have.  I also wish for many other things, like a cottage by the lake, dream vacations, a bigger bank account, my dream job of becoming a photographer to come to a reality,  a pre teen & teenager who would pick up after them selves ( ok who doesn't want that I mean come now!)

                                   

                          ( my less that non cluttered home after the kids come home from school)

My reality is that I have a beautiful home, 2 healthy happy kids, a husband that I adore and that loves me for me.  I have friends who light up my life and family that supports me that are my rocks. A sweet dog who loves and comforts me when I need it.  We travel & have staycations where we create wonderful life time memories.  These are my realities in my life.  They are not perfect by any means, but they are my version of perfection because we all have our flaws.  Our house, ours cars, jobs, kids, spouses, friends and families. Nothing in life is perfect Per se because that is to me a false sense of perfectionism.   I have known people in my life who want the cookie cutter life, the movie fake love scene, the white picket fence and the perfect doting children & husband.  Maybe you have all that and more in your lives, maybe you don't and wish you did.

I guess in the end my point is that we need to be happy in our lives with what we do have.  If you're not then create the life you do want however just don't be fake about.  Be authentic, be vulnerable, be humble, be real, be true to your self.  Don't wish for what the neighbour has cause you think they have it all, because in the end they might think the same of you.

❤️️️️NYTS 

Days when you feel like the Ugly Duckling

We all have them, you know the moment you wake up and the world just doesn't seem quite right.  You feel off, sluggish, bulky, puffy, and you even use the words to describe yourself as ," fat, ugly, unattractive."  You know those days, I started my day like that today.  To make it worse, I did the unthinkable, I stepped on our scale in the bathroom. ( insert scary music here)  Not my wisest discission making momment of my day.   I've not stepped on our bathroom scale in over 3 months. Eek!!!  Yes, the self loathing prerecorded message in my brain started to play.  I even uttered the words out loud, " God Sandra you need to get on a diet."  

Now here's the thing, I've dieted most of my life since my teen years.  I know most of you can relate to that very statement yourselves.  I know I do need to shed a few pounds, not for vanity reasons, but for health reasons alone.  I generally love my body now that I've hit my 40's.  That took along time to learn to love my body for all it can do and has done for me.  However I like most of us have days we hate our bodies. The negative self talk about every imprefection we "see" on our bodies. 

I've had my Oprah " A-ha" moment about learning to love my body, but I've not had the "A-ha" moment to be consistenly active in my daily life.  I have all the best intentions like everyone else I see and know who have been successful at weight loss or being active daily.  I've purchased gym memberships that I sometime used and then quit. I have weights, yoga mats, dvd's for pilates, yoga, 

T-25, weight loss cook books as well.  I will do these excersizes off and on over a period of time but never continually stick with a program. I have a great momentum to keep on track and then I loose it after a "bad day" and give up. I know I'm not alone with this pattern either.

My issue is the lack dedication and drive to be active.  I talk the talk but don't follow up with the walk to match it.   I know I need to be healthier, a roll model for our kids.  I know that I feel better and sleep better when I work out doing traditional workouts, yoga, pilates or even just a good walk around the neighbourhood after dinner with my sweet hubby.   I see my friends have their A-ha moments and be successful to be healthier and shed their unwanted pounds.  They look amazing and I am so happy for them all as I've seen their hard work they put into them selves.  I hope to have my A-ha moment to one day, but until then I'll just keep on plugging away to be healthier one day at a time and to make better choices for my life.  Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will be my journey to be a healthier, happier mom, so I will embrace my ugly duckling days and know when I wake up tomorrow it will be a brand new day to be a better version of me.

❤️️️️️NYTS 

Most of us have it.... The glorious Muffin top.

I'm looking myself over in the store mirror assessing the top I am thinking of purchasing.  I love the colour, the feel of the material, the loose drape feel and I look good from all sides. However  I do a double take at the front of my reflection in the mirror.  I have the twisted up lips on my face when I can see my dreaded " muffin top" over my pants showing through the top.  Now I'm questioning myself in my head.  Just a few seconds ago I thought I looked great.  How is it that one part of our bodies can make one so self conscious and fill out hearts and mind with self doubt.

I of course have my auto pilot self loathing prerecorded messages playing in my head for these such moments in my life.  They go something like this, " God how did you get so fat.  Why do you have such a HUGE belly.  How can my husband find me attractive.  I need to start a diet right away.  How can you live with yourself looking like this."  It can go on and on and on.   I know we all have that negative voice in our heads.  This is something over the years I have been working on and it's hard, so very hard to change that negative thought process.

It amazes me how we can let our body shapes effect our outlook on how we feel about how the rest of the world sees us or perceives us to be.  I have struggled with my muffin top since after my son was born 14.5 yrs ago.  I had a C-Section.  He was a big baby.  A whopping 11lbs and 23 & 3/4 inches long.  Yes I gave birth to a toddler.  My Dr. told me after having my son that the likely hood of me having a flat stomach ever again was near to impossible unless I had a tummy tuck and liposuction.  After my daughter a few years later and then 3 months after her having emergency surgery I have technically had 3 C-Sections.  Now for sure I will never have a flat tummy and will have a muffin top till I die.

I've thought about having the procedures my Dr. told me about after I had my son over the years.  I have those moments when I cry when I look at my body naked in the mirror at what I see.  There are days it gets me so down in the dumps I just put on my sweats and watch mindless TV and I'm not        "present"  for my family.  My husband has seen me through a few of these days.  Then there are days when I see my reflection and I marvel at what my body has created, 2 beautiful children.  This muffin top, the stretch marks, the pants 2 sizes bigger that I buy to fit the muffin top into rather than the surgery are all worth it.

I still struggle with my body image at 42. And yes I still compare myself to other moms out there and their body's thinking they look amazing, what have I done wrong.  However,  I have a job to do and that's to teach my daughter to love her body, to have a healthy body image of herself.  Not to feel the pressure of looking the the glossy magazine models who are air brushed to perfection.  I have a son to teach that 2% of the women in real life look like those magazines, to teach him to respect and complement a woman, not to ever put her down. To love a natural looking healthy woman. ( he's in his teen years)   To both my children that everyone is beautiful inside and out.  The old saying goes, "Never judge a book by its cover."

I am still working on my learning to love me for me. To be fully comfortable in my own skin.  To love my muffin top and all its glory.  It's the journey of self love, self acceptance and tolerance that I have learned so much about who I am and where I want to be in my life.  So embrace the muffin top, love your body and all it can do as my body can do amazing things, yours can too. 

In the end I bought the top.  I love how I look in it. Bonus, my husband told me I look beautiful  and sexy in it at the store.

❤️️NYTS 

For the love of .... Traveling

It's late at night as I have this glow upon my face from my laptop screen.  I look over travel sites to see what new and exciting deals have flooded the market.  I check and see how much some of my dream / bucket list places  to go would cost and dream my little dream.  I have had the travel bug since I was a little kid.  I've wanted to see the world and all its glory from quaint towns to historic building and tropical beaches. My top 10 place I desperately want to see are, Italy, Norway, Sweden, Germany, Bali, Scotland, Thailand, Maldives, Australia and New Zealand.

Each of these countries holds a special place for me.  Italy and Norway are where my mom's family comes from. I'm want to see where my Nonna lived until she took the boat with her mother and 2 brothers over to meet up with her dad who left Italy to make a better life and get away from the war.  As well, Norway where my grandfather hailed from and his father changed his family name to the town he left behind, Sandve, Norway.

 Germany and Scotland are where my dads family ancestry originated and they have such rich history both these countries. The castles, the countryside, the bustling towns and villages.  Plus German beer and scotch from the highlands, my hubby's 2 favourite beverages.

Sweden, my hubby traveled to for work once and well, the photographs where stunning. He told me they didn't to the country justice.

 Bali, Maldives and Thailand, come on who doesn't want to go to either of these 3 places, the food, the cultures and let's not forget the beaches. 

Oh dear Australia and New Zealand. I have expat friends who live in the lands of Oz and can't say enough about either country, so why the heck not and go see the land down under.

Now I have traveled a bit, the Bahamas, Maui, big island of Hawaii, Mexico, various states and through our great nation Canada.  I love traveling thru out North America, we have such amazing views, mountains, lakes, rivers, canyons, big cities, cute towns by the highway.  Eclectic and comfort food joints.  People from around the world want to travel to Vancouver and see my home town and its beauty, grandeur, ocean, mountains.  They want to play in my back yard and I can't see why not, it's stunning!

Recently my family traveled up to Whistler, BC for Crankworx.  We met this wonderful family from Milan, Italy.  We got to talking as our sons where in the same downhill mountain bike class.  They told us what brought them to our city.  They wanted to see our mountains, the Pacific Ocean, our beauty city and Stanley park. Eat fresh sushi, bike around the sea wall and catch and release a salmon and of course watch their son learn his passion, downhill mountain biking.  We told them why we wanted to go to Italy.  Our reasons sounded quite similar except for the part for me to see where my family came from in Italy, which is not far from where they live in Milan.  One day I will get there too, but for now I will keep on day dreaming and putting money away for that one day dream trip.

  

  

I guess the point I am getting at is, we all want to travel and see the world and all its beauty especially me it has been a life long dream. However, maybe we also need to see the beauty that's right out side our door. So many people want to come see our part of the world.  So whether you travel to far off places or stay with in your province, check it out and see why the rest of the world wants to travel our neck of the woods. You won't be disappointed but pleasantly surprised.

❤️NYTS

Summer... What a beautiful fun filled season

It's 5:30 am and the sun is rising as she fills my bedroom with the first Rays of light.  I try to squeeze a few more hours of sleeping in but sometimes to no avail.  The sun, it wins me over 2 times a week for an early start of the day.  To me this is when Summer has truly arrived in my life.

 The quite of my house this early in the morning is calming yet odd.  Summer in our house is filled with the hustle  and bustle of everyday life, but it's not a normal day energy, there is relaxed feeling to it almost.  Summer months I am calmer, we all are the kids especially. My husband who still works every day till he takes his vacation time so we can do things as a family. Yes, being a stay at home mom does have it perks and Summer time is a wonderful one. 

Summer means so much to all of us. It means annual camping trips with family and friends.  We just got back from our kick off Summer camping trip which we take the kids out of school early on the last day and head off to Cultas Lake and spend 3-4 days with many friends.  This year was amazing with everyone.  Kids going tubing and jumping off the end if the dock ( I even jumped off cause who doesn't want to be a kid again ) cliff jumping, bocce tournaments, camp fires and roasting marshmallows.  Ah camping.  

                                    

  (My son and 2 of his friends getting ready for tubing)

Summer is also BBQ's, small gatherings with your loved ones, drive in movies, days at the beach, star gazing at night, mini road trips,  gardening, canning summers bounty to enjoy later in the year & of course lounging around in the shade with a glass of iced tea while reading your book is my most favorite activity of all.   The kids favorite thing to do besides camping is our annual  water fight we do with Dad after a long day at work.  Water guns, water balloons, hoses you name it, it is used in our water fights.  I of course give my dear hubby a prewarning so that is iPhone and other electronics don't get ruined as there is no mercy once he drives up and opens his car door. So much fun running around and getting soaked on a hot summers evening, truly no way to beat it. The laughter and squeals from everyone fills the air and it warms my heart as life is at its simplest for a moment in time. 

I know we all have those special moments in Summer we all look forward to and traditions to carry on and hope our kids will pass them on when they have their families one day in the distant future. The possibilities this warm season brings is bountiful and the memories that will be created are endless.  I've posted a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, to me it captures the meaning of Summer completely.  So get out there and enjoy all that Summer has to offer be it a lavish trip or a staycaction in your back yard. 

❤️NYTS

Loving your Body No More Body Shaming.

Back in the day, I had a very athletic body.  I did all sorts of sports, but my favorite was figure skating.  I ate, breathed, slept figure skating.  I had very few days off from the  sport actually.  I skated all year round, coached little CAN skate kids, young hockey teams how to be better and faster skaters.  I had up to five coaches at one time.  One day about a month or so before one of the competitions my main coach felt that I needed to loose a bit of weight.  She told me that I was to drink only 8 glasses of water a day and consume only 1 large Apple.  I didn't say anything to my parents as I thought, " hey she's my coach she knows what's she's what she's talking about."  So I did what was asked of me, and the weight started coming off in spades.  Here's the full picture though.  I am 13 years old, 5 ft 10.5 inches tall weighting in at 112 lbs.  I skated on average 2.5 hrs each morning and 3-5 hours every night.  I was not a fat kid.  I was tall and thin as well as muscular.  This was my 1st encounter of body shaming.

One day after about 1 1/2 weeks into this new eating habit as per my coach I started to get sick, no energy, falling and getting hurt, bruising very easily.  I walked off the ice as I felt light headed and my mom was there.  I told her the truth as to what was going on and the fire in her eyes had me scared.  In front of my entire skate club, she walked on the ice with her runners and started to yell at my coach.  She fired her right on the spot.  I felt so many emotions, ashamed, sad, scared, but most of all relieved.   

I had a new main coach by the next day when I stepped on the ice.   

A few moths later, we found my original coach passed out in the rink bathroom from starving herself.  She fought with a food eating disorder and pushed most of her skate kids to the brink of the same thing.  I was one of the luckier ones who stopped before it was to late.

Now here I am in my 40's same height but way different weight and body size and shape.  I've had my kids, I got very comfortable in my relationship with my hubby.  The body shaming however hasn't stopped over the years.  It's in the media, be it news, TV, print, social.  It's there, it's everywhere.  A few years back I entertained the idea of a tummy tuck.  I sent in my info via email to the Drs. Head nurse who books new patience and she even told me I was to fat to get a tummy tuck.  That I should look into gastric bypass 1st. She hadn't even seen me inperson, she was just going by my info I emailed her. Yikes!!  For me, this was one of my many wake up calls.  Why should the media decide what is attractive and what is not?  Back in the days of Monte' and Rembrandt I would be considered a goddess, a woman of desire and want.  I have curves, a soft fleshy tummy, hips, big breasts.  For me though, the most beautiful think about my body is my confidence that has grown over the years.  It is that which makes me stunning.  How can a woman with confidence not be beautiful outside and inside.  I mean come on.  

Body shaming begins at a very early age.  To early in my humble opinion.  My daughter a few years ago came to me and asked me if she was fat.  I was shocked to hear her ask that question at such a young age of 8 years old.  She's athletic, she's a dancer, she runs, rollerblades, show boards, rides her bike, swims.  You get the picture right.  She asked that question because she saw a magazine cover that showed a young lady with a tag line, " Tummy bulge workout.  Results in just 2weeks."  Now at this time in her life, my daughter still had some 'baby weight" on her tummy.  She's in no way would I ever consider her fat. My response was for her to love her body and all it can do.  Ignore those magazines at the check out at the grocery store. Since then, she loves her body, she even reminds me sometimes when I have a moment of doubt that I her mother am beautiful too.  I know I am teaching her the right out look on life and she body as well as others.  She is quite the cheerleader I tell ya. 

We have to stop body shaming once and for all.  Love your body.  Be proud of what your body does for you.  Pass on the love, it only takes one person to start a movement of acceptance and change to how we view our selves and others.

❤️️️️NYTS 

Looking back on your Ancestry... You may be amazed by what you find.

Even since I was  child I was curious about where my family came from.  Both sides of my family come from different parts of the world.  My mom's side her mom is from Italy and her father is from Norway.   Both her parents are what some may say are " fresh off the boat".  I grew up in a very well rounded environment with both cultures present steeped in food and traditions.  Every family meal was mostly Italian based with some Norwegian sweets, who doesn't love the heart shape waffles & Kringla.  Home made wine was always at family meals and fresh pasta. As well my grandparents where involved in the Sons of Norway.  I was even crowned our sections the " Viking" Queen and board fest queen ( this is between BC and Washington state groups of the Sons of Norway)  I enjoyed being apart of both communities growing up.  I am very proud of my heritage on my mothers side and I am so excited to learn more and share what I may find out.  Asking my Nonna about her family while I am still blessed to have her in my life will be 1st and foremost important as she is able to tell me 1st hand her family history and I so wished I asked my Grandpa while he was alive about his family history, but while I was in my 20's I didn't put much thought into it.  It is sad really.

 My Dad's side his dad is German and his mom is Scottish.  I have just recently learned that my Dad's side is very much steeped in American history which I find so fascinating.  For example, I just found out that my 12th removed grandfather is one of the founders of the city of Hartford, Connecticut, USA.  How cool is that. My dad's father and grandfather fought in WW1 and WW2.  Very proud of them for fighting for our freedoms here in Canada as my Great Grandfather is the 1st in his family to be Canadian.  His family is mostly from the USA but like most families originally from a European country, Germany and Scotland in our case.  I've asked my Grandma about her family history and she is a wealth of stories and has some family tree started already which has lead me to some of the information I've been able to share with you all at this time.  So fascinating her stories and tales.  Our generation has no clue what our forefathers went through to get us to where we are today.

I am looking forward to finding out as much as I can as it is truly eye opening as well as intriguing to finding where I came from, who paved the way for my life as it is today.  The sacrifices they made, the challenges they over came to get where they got to in their lives.  How they may have changed or influenced history, like my 12th removed grandfather on my fathers side.  I can not wait to find out more and I hope I can inspire more of you to want to find out of where you came from. I have friends who do geneology  as well I will be looking things up on the web site  Ancestry.ca as I have heard wonderful things about the site and I know you have to pay to look up a bulk of information.  However to me it will be money well spent.  To have your family tree to pass on to my children will be a wonderful gift  for many generation to come.  May you also have fun finding out your past as well.

Love, NYTS

This is the plaque in Hartford Connecticut with my 12th removed Great Grandfather, Edward Stebbins who is  was one of the founders of that town. 

How do you cope with the sudden loss of some one?

I was sitting in a theater watching some beautiful dancers on stage when my phone vibrated.  That vibrated moment changed our lives that very instant.  I read the text message and told the sender I would call them when I got out of the theater.  I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that something wasn't good.  My gut was right.  I called my co-worker, who is also a friend and the next 2 minutes with the news she gave me altered not only our lives but many lives including my daughter who was standing in front of me asking me why I was crying.  The news I got was that my co-worker, friend, childrens teacher and mentor had passed away suddenly.

I had to lie to my daughter who was worried about me as I was trying to compose myself for her sake as well as my own.  I didn't want her to find out like this on her own.  I promised not to tell her as she needed to find out with her peers in the day that follows us getting home.   Trying to keep her occupied with a fellow dancer for the next few hours for me felt like days.  I wanted to cry and process the news I had just received. We walked around the small town.  Stopped at the best bakery we where told about the day before.  I'm so glad we did it was amazing, best doughnuts I have ever had.  We continued strolling around stopping in cute stores and the water front  keeping us all busy till 3:30pm.  That's when my daughter would be going home early with her fellow dance friend and mom.  

Once I got her squared away and she drove off to head home, I just crumbled into the couch in the lobby of the hotel and cried. I didn't care who saw me, I needed to release my feelings of sadness that I had kept to myself for the last 5 hours.  I knew tomorrow would be a huge day of sadness for everyone who this man came into contact with.  I text my husband and told him the news.  We made a plan for our kids for the following evening when they got the news, PJ's, take out and just hanging out and being there for each other with lots of hugs, kisses and wiping tears away be it the kids or my own.

On my way home at 11:30 at night, I drive past the school another wave of sadness comes over me. My eyes swelled with tears knowing he will not be in the halls, his class, cracking jokes, keeping me in the loop of my daughters progress and funny tales of her classmates.  I know when I walk into the school in the morning it is going to be hard.  It was, it was so hard. I barely got through the door with out getting emotional.  I was the last staff member told.  They knew I was a good friend of his and my kids loved him as their teacher as well we where at a dance competition. Oh I cried, we all cried at the staff meeting with the grief councillors.   Not even half hour later, his students where told the news and my daughter, was the 1st one with the councillors.  She would be there for the next 3 hrs dealing with her feeling, her sense of loss and why, why is he gone. Now my job was to go home and tell my son who home sick from school with his past teacher and mento had passed away.  He took the news in stride.  Way better than I would have though. He made me proud with his maturity and out look on death. 

After school, the best medicine was having a group of friends over, talking, playing, walking our dog, eating cookies and drinking hot coco.  They got to be kids for the first time that day. I heard them laugh yet I heard sorrow in their voices too. They talked about their teacher off and on. They asked me questions and I tried to answer them to the best of my ability. After her friends left she asked me why did I lie to her?  I tell my kids it's better to tell the truth always.  I had to explain my choice.  She understood it thankfully.   

Over the week we all had our moments of sadness, tears and need of comfort.  My kids wrote his family beautiful letters to let them know how he impacted their lives and how they would keep his memory alive with in them.   He is what my daughter says, " is traveling the world, playing his guitar to the masses and making others lives better."  We will miss you B.  ❤️️️NYTS 

Family & The Holidays. Traditions, stories and memories we all have them to share.

Family, we all have one.  Be it blood or chosen yet we all have one.  I feel very blessed to have my little family of 3.  My husband, son and daughter fill my heart with so much joy, it bursts.  My parents are still with me as well as my grandmothers.  I know that there are not many families that have 4 generations still living as this is truly a blessing.  The history that is passed down is priceless and can never be replaced.  Family holidays are when we all have that time to be together in one place at the same time. Today's lifestyle has many of us running around that we don't get to see our loved ones as often as we would like to.


We like most of the world celebrated  Easter today.  Family gatherings are wonderful.  You get to see your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews.  The memories we create are priceless and can never be bought. The laughter, smiling faces and stories told by the young and old can never be replaced.  Photographs are taken, the kids say cheese with the funniest faces and those cute smiles, I just can't get enough.  It's like a patch work quilt that tells a story of your history and keeps you warm with the memories you have collected.


Now the food, the food is endless at family gathering.  Dishes that are family recipes that are handed down from generation to generation.  The traditions that are passed on that create a sense of normality and unity.  The Easter Egg hunt  is a wonderful tradition.  The kids young and old have a wonderful time.  Seeing the youngest generation run around looking for those treats and the joy they have while laughing, having fun with their cousins, helping each other out to make sure that even the youngest has a basket full of eggs and treats.  Seeing this makes me so happy and the rest of us adults tell stories about when we where kids doing the same things.


I love how all of us adults, who at one time in life where complete strangers are now intertwined in each others lives.  We made a choice to be apart of this family, this "tribe" and bring their families history, traditions and blend them into our new blended family.  My sister in-laws and I have big shoes to fill with the women on  both sides of my blended family, my mom and my mother in-law.  Traditions and their families mean the world to them and I know we three need to carry on the torch and continue on while creating our own traditions to pass on to our kids.


So my message is to keep up with family history, traditions and pass them on to the younger generations.  It's important to keep the memories alive and keep those who have come before us in our hearts and minds be it with stories, the food we eat or the photos in an album.  We have all come from some one and it's a good thing to know where we came from.

Love,
NYTS. xo

Breast Health and the Dreaded Mammogram. 5 Minutes of discomfort is worth it.

So as you all know, when women reach a  beautiful age of 40 years old our family Doctors recommend that we get our 1st Mammogram.  That contraption that is cold, noisy, big and lets face it kind of scary.  It's a machine that brings out our most vulnerable core in any woman.  It makes you fear what they might find, if any thing.

You know that scene in the movie, "This is 40." where the main character get's her mammogram and she makes sounds of complaints that it hurts to get your breast flattened like a " pancake"?  Well if you have never had one before, that's is what it is like.  However, I don't think it's all that bad.  Maybe I have a high tolerance for pain.  I even tell jokes with the nurse who is taking the pictures and " man handling " my breast like it's play-dough.  Laughter is the best medicine in at situation where most feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.  It makes us human, it makes us real and lightens the mood for everyone  in the room.

The Breast Cancer Society of BC is amazing.  The staff, nurses and Doctors at Jim Patterson Pavilion are kind, caring.  To do the job they do, you have to be compassionate, and to be able to hold your facial expressions as they can only say the standard, " Your family Doctor will contact you in a few weeks with your results from today's scans."   To me, that is the most dreaded moment, the not knowing anything.  You feel left in the dark from that moment on wards till you get a phone call.  You feel like your life is standing still, your " holding " your breath as you want to hear that there is nothing on that scan.

Back in August 2014, I went for my 1st Mammogram.  It was routine, fill out the health questionnaire forms.  Put the hospital gown on and wait for them to call my name.   You sit there in the waiting area, looking at the other women in their with you and knowing that at least one of you will be diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  It's a very scary thought.  The survival rate has increased  so much from even when my Mom was diagnosed back in 1998 and she's a survivor and is with me today and I thank the powers that be, that is she still here with me and was able to see me get married, have kids and now be my support system should I be that one women in the waiting room who gets that call saying, " Hello Mrs. L.....  we need you to come in and see the Oncologist."  I got that phone call last August.

I laughed and I cried.  I got of the phone and called my husband right away and then my mom.  Still not knowing what they had found, but they found something.  I am a glass is half full kinda gal, but that phone call made me a glass is half empty gal in a heart beat.  They found a growth on my lymph node and so far it isn't Cancer, but I need a follow up in 6 months.  Today was that 6 months    I now have to do that waiting game again to see if there is any change.  I'm crossing my fingers that all is good, but my glass is half empty gal is creeping back  to the front again.  I will deal with what ever that next phone call will be and face it head on be it good or bad news, but i am ready and willing to fight.

So Ladies go get that Mammogram today if you have been putting it off, don't let the 5 minutes of discomfort be what holds you back from keeping you and your breasts healthy.


Love,
NYTS

Living life to the fullest and that means wearing a bikini too.

Oh the Big Island of Hawaii.  Your lapping waves, sea foam from a crashing waves, the colours of your ocean, the breeze through your palm trees and the warm sun kissing my skin with colour.  My soul has craved this very feeling for so long, after living on the wet west coast of BC.   I love where I live, but the sounds, smells and tastes of Hawaii, they are something special.  Not everyone in the world will have a chance to go there and see it's still mostly untouched land and lush landscape and lava flow paths all the way down to the Pacific Ocean where it keeps growing the island to a bigger space and size.

Photo by S. Lutzer

Living life to the fullest is something I have been putting on hold for so long.  When I was younger the old saying," Go big or go home." was my motto as well as, " If you don't like what you see, then look the other way and walk."  As we get older, we tend to loose our free spirit selves in the shuffle of being a grown up, getting married, having kids, buying a house and living life on "autopilot".  This trip was my wake up call to getting back to the old me, but the 2.0 version, smarter, wiser, different outlook on life and with a few more dollars in the bank to cushion the trip to make it a dream vacation with my family.

We stayed at the Fairmont Orchid, Hawaii.  A stunning resort that was worth the every penny.  This as a splurge resort for us as we usually do a Disney trip, so we thought why not stay at a high end resort for our family vacation, but stay in a regular room with a garden view as we would see the ocean every day at the beach or by the pool.  Step #1 in my living life to the fullest as I have always wanted to see how the other side of life lives staying at really nice hotels.  You only live once right?  Right, eat, sleep, drink and be merry and do it in Hawaii on the beach.

                                                                           Photo by S. Lutzer

This trip was also another BIG turning point for me personally. Step #2. I like many other women out there feel not so attractive in the eyes of the media.  So I rocked my bad ass self in a bikini. I wore a bikini for the 1st time in public in 15 years.  Yes, you read that right.  I am no size "0" however I love myself to much not to be a healthy role model for my daughter.  I want to her see the beauty in all women, no matter what their size, shape, colour or scars they have.  I want her to love who she is inside and out and to love others with the same respect and passion. Love your body and love yourself and the world will keep on turning.   Now, at the hot tub I was feeling confident and happy, but that changed in a few seconds after I over heard a man who was getting out of the hot tub look at me and in quite voice thinking I wouldn't hear him say, " Nasty".  Well, my heart sunk faster than the Titanic and my confidence was shot and all my self loathing voices came back with a vengeance. I would usually say something back, but his one word made me feel small and ugly.  Here I am trying to instill in my daughter confidence and tell her all are beautiful and then there is someone who has no clue who I am say something so cold and mean.


  Step #3. I think I look great, I know I rocked it,  I know I have a belly, I know I have big thighs, I know I have stretch marks and cellulite, but I am still beautiful, strong, intelligent and brave, I had my pity party for 1 for 2 minutes.  I gave myself time to process what had just happened.  In the end my resolve was that he was the " Nasty" one not me. I'm living my life to the fullest!

Photo by S.Lutzer

My daughter said something to me on the trip I will always hold dear to my heart.  She told me, " Mom, all the things you think are " ugly" are what make you beautiful."  My heart swelled with pride and love.  I think I'm doing something right in raising my kids, they are going to turn out all right.  They are the new generation we have to rely upon for kindness, love and respect.  How they see others and them selves is via our own reflection and views.  So lets start now and have them live life by being true to your selves as they learn from us in the end.


Living life to the fullest is facing your fears, your doubts, your own self loathing and battling the ugly world out there.  It's doing things you thought you couldn't do.  Its wearing a bikini for the 1st time in 15 years, it's building up the courage to shake off the rude people in the world.  Love who you are, your flaws, your individual beauty.  Be a role model to someone, be fierce, be bold, be fabulous, be sexy, be funny, be YOU!!!   So put your toes in the sand, soak up the sun and drink a Mai Tai, they are amazing!!  Be Naturally Your True Self and the world will keep on rolling.

Photo by S.Lutzer

Love,
Me.

I have a hot date & it's with my Fit Bit.

As you all know I'm not big on New Years resolutions.  We all make big grand gestures that we will get in shape, loose weight, yada yada yada.  You all know the drill, we all do.  Funny thing, my dear sweet husband got me an amazing gift 2 years in a row, a fit bit.  Now you all must be thinking.. "what message is he sending to his wife?"  I asked him for them both times.  My first fit bit  bit the the dust I used it every day, I even broke the strap and had to tape the poor thing to hold it together so it would stay on my wrist.  In the end it had a recall and broke. I was so lost with out it.  My wrist felt naked.  So, I asked my dear hubby to get me a new and improved one and even gave him the code so he could get a discount on my one.  (This is a testament on how much I love my fit bit.)

So surprise, surprise on Christmas morning I open a wonderful and very thoughtful gift from Dear Hubby.  Gave him a big old hug and kiss and charged it right away.  Most of my friends think I am bit nutty about my new gift and wanting to wear it right away.  I look at it as a hot date.  Yes your read correctly, a hot date.  I love my dates I have with my Fit Bit.  There is something about making yourself accountable for your health and well being.  My main goal every day is to make my 10,000 steps each and every day.  If I don't  and there are days it just doesn't happen ( Saturdays my lazy day) it drives me a bit crazy.  I feel like I've let myself down.  I know it's not true at all, we all need a rest day.

I'm not going to lie, I love instant gratification that I get from it as well.  I look down, see the time, how many steps I've taken so far, how many miles I've walked, how many calories I've burned and stairs I've taken. I want those 10,000 steps. This drives and moves me to be a better, healthier me.  In the end, don't we all want that?  My gym is the out doors, my walks with my dog Stella, my night walks with my dear husband and my weekends with my kids and my walks to work.  We can't inspire our children to be healthy and out doors, if in fact we are not willing do the that very thing ourselves.

So have a hot date with our self and your choice of pedometer.  There are so many to choose from in the market place.  Find what if right for you and your life style.  You will be glad you did.

The old saying," One foot in front of the other." Walking, it's good for you.

So it's a new year and with a new year comes resolutions.  Some of the most popular are Quit Smoking, Loose weight, Start running, Go to gym, Eat better, Drink less alcohol, etc.  I have been one of these people, we all have been and some still are.  This year I've made a resolution to not make any new years resolutions.  I'm in my 40's now and it's time to make things real and tangible.  Now back in the day I was a runner, a figure skater, played volleyball, basketball, skied, hiked.  Most of these activities I did in my Teens and 20's before kids.  Now it's hiking, skiing, some yoga & Pilates,  shooting hoops with my 13 yr old son and the most " uncool-est"  form of exercise..... WALKING.  

  Now don't get me wrong walking is great for you and it is the easiest thing to do, most of us do it daily and take for-granted this very basic human function.  We first learn to crawl and then walk.  It's what gets us around.  We all see that group of uber healthy people running on the sidewalk or down the beach.  We all want to be and we all envy those people, look at how healthy they must be.  Guess what, you can be just like them with walking. I read an article the other day 62% of Americans are now walking 10 minutes a day or more to get some exercise.  That is great news.  It's a start.  My goal is to walk 1/2 hr a day.  Now some may say," That's not enough"  I say it is as long as you are enjoying your self and your view of your walk and are walking at a good pace. I am not going to lie I've tried running again and even jogging, but I found that I enjoy a good long walk much more than pounding the pavement with running/ jogging.

My dear hubby and I over the years have be come the dreaded couch potatoes you hear about. ( hence part of my weight yoyoing over the years since I've had my kids)  So we have a new puppy who gets me out walking every day.  She may not be the fastest puppy as she loves to stop and look around, sniff and do her private business, however she is making my walks more enjoyable.  My family is going out for walks more often too.  I love walking at the beach or in a park.  Most of my walking is in my very neighborhood where we have a path in a green space between all the subdivisions and it's very nice to be around greenery all year round and see the seasons change and meet new people with their dogs.

You see walking you also get to be sociable.  This is the time I get to  reconnect with my hubby after a long day and just be us and let it all out.  Some times we just walk in silence and hold hands, but that is just as nice as I know we just need quite from all the noise in our lives. Walking with a friend over coffee is also very enjoyable, I do this mostly in the spring to fall months.  If find people hibernate in the winter months and come out fresh in the spring ready to take on the world after their new years resolutions have come and gone.  So with that I'm sticking to the old adage, " One foot in front of the other."  So with being true to myself,  walking for me will do just fine.

                                       Today's walk on a cold, damp west coast winter morning.

                                         Stella our new Yorkie/Havanese puppy at the beach.

My Mission for my Blog.

I have a two beautiful children a son and a daughter.  Both are the lights of my life and cherish every moment I have with them as one day they are going to grow up and move on in the world.  So while i have them under my wing I want to empower them with positive self body image, both mentally and physically.  Today you turn on the TV, the internet, a magazine and see what the media tells as well shows us what it considered to be " Normal" body types.  The average woman in North America is a size 14 and is the height of 5' 8", not size 0-2 and the height of 5'11".

 I want for my son to know that what he sees in a magazine is all airbrushed women.  For him to love his partner for who she truly is.  I want him to have a health out look on life physically and mentally.  I want for my daughter to have a healthy body image to know it's ok  to not be " perfect" and that the women in the magazine has flaws too, its just they have have been airbrushed to that they look " flawless" and that its not the real them in the photo. For her to say," Thank you" when someone pays her a complement.  I want for her to be empowered and full of positive knowledge and for her to see  & love her true self.

My goal is to promote healthy body image, to embrace what you would consider to be  "flaws" be it a scar, birth mark, those few extra pesky pounds.  We are all beautiful women and girls.  We need to learn to love the skin we are in, to see our True Self.  Women on the whole are very harsh on our selves.  We will give positive feed back to our friends when they feel down, however we will talk ourselves down in the privacy of our own homes when we look in a mirror. How can we compete with an image that is " false" as we all know the photos in a magazine have been touched up.

 We are so hard and critical, more self love is needed.  If you are not truly happy with who you are, then take the steps to make yourself a happier person.  I am one of these very people I speak about.  I as a young teen was very athletic and healthy.  As I've gotten older and had my children my body changed, I put on weight and it's still there after many failed attempts to loose weight and be a healthier me.  I've changed my dialog at home around my kids.  I no longer call myself, FAT, I NEED TO GO ON A DIET, I'M UGLY.  How can I  teach my kids positive self image if I don't have one of myself.  About 5 yrs ago that all changed for me.  Those words a NOT aloud in my home.

So I hope you will join me on my journey of my True Self and the women I will interview.  Share you own story about your path to your True Self and lets spread the word around the world that we are beautiful just the way we are.  Change can happen by just one person at a time.

Love,
Sandra