The Little engine that could... That's me and you!

Whistler Blackcomb are 2 amazing local mountains that I hold dear to my heart.  They are bustling with adventurer seekers, Heath enthusiasts, hikers, down hill mountain bikers, ski and snow boarders.  It's the adventure meca year round. There is always something to do there.

My family of 4 set off to watch my sons passion of Down Hill Mountain biking, Crankworx was happening.  All the top pros where there this week and it was very cool to see them in their element. He would usually be up on the mountain him self but recently had hand surgery so he couldn't partake this year.   So we set off to do other fun things. Swimming and kayaking at Alta Lake, hiking, checking out the village and of course watching Crankworx. 

We did some hiking on top of Whistler 1st.  The views are stunning.  Mother Nature you get a 10 outta 10 here.  As we where hiking I noticed a group of women varining age, size and levels of health.  I couldn't have been more proud of these women that I was watch them run, jog, walk up top on the same paths I was.  I was hiking and admittedly struggling to keep my breath and my lungs hurt.  As I went past these women one by one I couldn't help buy to cheer them on as individuals. As they went past me I would tell them " Hey you're a rock star" or " you're amazing keep on going" even one last who looked like she was just done and could barely go another step " you got this, you can do it".  After my personal cheering them on, I saw each of them smile, their step got lighter, and they all said Thank you.   Me, a complete stranger may have made a difference even for a fleeting moment to these women.  I wish we could all be cheerleaders in life to complete strangers who are " lapping everyone who's sitting on the couch". 

These women inspired me through out the rest of my day hiking at Whistler and up top of Blackcomb mnt.  I had to use walking poles at Blackcomb as the terrain was steeper and more rocky.  I had fleeting moment of " what the hell am I doing here, this is for those who are in shape".  Then I remembered the women on the other mountain top.  I had to be my own cheerleader and I did it. Be it slower than the rest of my family, but I did it.  

In the end we are all the little engine that could, we just have to believe , take the 1st step and keep on moving. ❤️️️️️️️️️NYTS 

       The view from our hike at the top of Whistler looking at Blackcomb and Green Lake. 

My little body shaming devil came forth today. It knocked the wind outta my sails.

It's a  soul crushing feeling that leaves you crippled.  You feel weak and full of remorse towards ever fiber of your very being.  On a molecular level you are brought to tears that you can not stop from streaming down your face.  Today for the 1st time in a very long time, I loathed my body.  I am ashamed of myself and how I let myself get to the size I am.  I thought I made peace and layed this body shaming voice to rest years ago.   Has it always been there waiting under the brush of life waiting to pop out when I least expect it?  I guess so.  I forgot how raw you can feel when this ugly feeling rears its self in " the flesh".  It's been 4 years since I last felt or talked this way about my body.  It truly saddens me that I've had these feeling again. My sound track came back, " I hate that I have a pudgy belly, the huge thunder thighs, Rolls on my belly when I sit down.  This size of the pants I wear are huge and unattractive.  My tops make me feel like I wear a tent."  Yes, this has been my sound track in my head today and it is down right awful.  Writing this makes me cry. I feel raw and vulnerable to my very core and it's so uncomfortable. 

How can I teach my daughter to love her body when I feel this way about my own?  I know in my heart this will pass and I will have a healthy out look once more.  But for now I will process this feeling(s).  They came up for a reason. Maybe I need to reevaluate my out look on myself, a truer reality that lies before me.   I know I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be.  My "heart" longs for that fleeting moment of societies version of perfection.  Let's be honest here, we all do.  Reality is, it doesn't exist.  You have to work hard at your health.  You have to be physically active.  You have to eat nutritious foods to fuel your body. ( Sorry, what's that, Crispy Cream isn't part of that food pyramid? Oh oh, my bad.)

So I'll have my day of "whoa is me".  And hope when I wake up tomorrow morning, my view on my body will be back on track.  Thank you for "listening".  ❤️️️️️️️️️NYTS 

Change... Some times it's bad but most times it's great!

It Change: to become different, to become ( someone or something) different, to becomes something else.

By definition Changes is something we all go through in our lives.  It can be bad or good.  Most of the time it's bloody well great. 

I remember when I was younger I was afraid of change.  I liked how my life was a routine.  It was comforting.  Until one day, I just looked at my surroundings and said," Enough is enough, I'm done."  And I walked away from the sport of Figure Skating, a sport I loved for so long.  This was the summer of my entering Grade 12.  This was a huge change for me. It was also the 1st step in the course of my life where I was in control to make my own choices. 

Change can be anything from the style of clothing that you wear, the colour of you hair, getting rid of your signature lip colour or perfume you wear everyday.  It can also be as big as loosing your job, having a baby, loosing or gaining a significant amount of weight, walking away from your marriage or long term relationship or it could be facing an illness that will effect you to your very core. 

All change(s) can have a silver lining to it if you look at the bright side rather than at it negatively. Loosing your job could bring forth your dream job that you've been afraid to see through.  Walking away from your unhealthy relationship could bring you other adventures and in the end you'll find your true Mr. or Mrs. Right. In the case of an illness, you'll see what really does matter in your life and you will embrace those very things and it could ever change your outlook you've had your whole life and when you make it out of your illness you can change your direction and outlook for the better. My mom is a testament to that very thing as she's a Cancer Survivor.   

For me I've had this a few times.  Before I met my sweet hubby, I was engaged twice to 2 different men.  Both for short time, but I realized both of these engagements where not going to be lived out with a fairy tale ending.  I realized after the 2nd one I needed to make some changes in mylife.  I took almost 2 years off from dating.  I needed to focus on me, my life, my well being and what I really wanted in a partner.  It was hard for me watching my girl friends around me getting married, having babies, however I knew in my heart I was doing what was right for me.  Once I was ready to " Throw my hat back into the dating scene ", my best friend knew the perfect guy for me, and girl, she was right. 20 years later we've been now married 16 years, 2 beautiful children with this man.  Trust me, we have had our ups and downs, but what relationship doesn't.

 I've had a dream job helping run a private medical office and then I got pregnant with my DD and never went back as I felt my time with her was more important than the job.  I had a new dream job, saying at home raising our children.  Now they are older and don't need me as much.  That's ok, as there another change for me in the horizon.

My new venture in change is once again, putting me 1st.   It's kinda scary and almost foreign as I've been putting my husband & my kids 1st for a long time.  This change for me has been a long time coming.  I've been putting it off for so long.  I'm 40+ years old and I'm thinking of my future and where I truly want to be, me no one else but me.  I truly want to be healthy and happy.  I desire to feel alive and not afraid to fail.  I want to be the girl who sees the glass as 1/2 full not 1/2 empty.   I'm in the process of changing my outlook on life, for the better I might add. I was to laugh in the rain, splash in the puddles like a child, to be carefree and full of lightness in my heart.  I want to travel to non family oriented places, sorry Disney still love you but this momma needs to travel out side your gates. I want to take a photography class ( Huge fan of black and whites). I know change can be scary as hell, but you have to embrace it, you can't fight it as you might loose out on the best thing that could ever happen to you. ❤️️️️️️️️️NYTS

Empowering women, you might be that to some one.

Word: Empowering

Definition:  make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in control of their life and claiming their rights.

I am all about this word and its definition.  Empowering, Empowerment, these are strong words in the English language.  We can take them forgranted as well.  Miss use them, miss interpretation of their meaning.  I for one have this as part of my life's mantra.  I didn't always and I have fleeting moments when I personally feel small and insignificant in certain life situations.  These are not moments of empower anything. 

  I had one of these very moments this past weekend actually.  I was so nervous to meet my dear friends, friends at a house " party". I'm knew her very well and I was meeting a few of her closest and dearest friends for the 1st time.  These are women I have heard her talk about, and I knew their life's a bit, very adventurous group of women indeed I was about to meet.  A few I knew from other events and I felt comfortable with them.  Apart of me felt I wouldn't fit it, but guess what, I couldn't have been more wrong.   I was surrounded by women who where the embodiment of Empowering.  We all come from different walks of life, have our own stories to tell.  These women are funny, out going, kind, loving, 

Now I'm not using names of these women as well, I don't like to name names. We all got along very well.  I learned a lot from this table of women about my dear friend I didn't know about till that evening.  Stories of travel, relationships, family, kids, husbands, and ex's.  Wine was pouring into glasses, good food was being eaten, laughter ringing in the air and wonderful conversations around the table. The hostess home had stunning views of Burrard Inlet that had me mesmerized.  I couldn't help but feel empowered by these 7 women. 

At the end of the evening, I left these lovely ladies feeling good about myself. I now want to go hiking more in our local mountain trails.  Invest in a better bike to travel around our beautiful city ( a cushy seat helps a lot I've been told).  They have peaked my intrest in traveling places that where not on my list of top 10 places to go.  I left wanting to better my self in all areas of my life, not big changes but little tweaks here and there. I know that our paths will cross again as well all have a mutual friend and a wonderful one at that. 

However, I've learned a lesson from that evening. The next time I walk into an event I will feel better about who I am and what I bring to the table and conversation.  We are all strangers until we meet and I am better for meeting these women. We all have a personal journey in this life, part of mine is to Empower others just like these 7 ladies have empowered me. 

 

                       

❤️️️️️️️️NYTS

Stretch marks, Cellulite, Spider & Varicose Veins..... Oh My!!!!

Long, long time ago, I can still remember having legs that went on for miles.  Smooth, toned muscular thighs, calf muscles that I was ridiculously proud of and got lots of complements on.  I loved my legs!  I though they where the sexiest part of my body. They where the most favorite part of my body all the way into my late 20's and then that's when the love started to fade. Why Hello stretch marks, cellulite, spider and varicose veins.  You four leg crushing anti beautiful elements where now my nemesis.

Now don't get me wrong, I still have a wee bit of love for my legs, I can still see the calf muscle definition for all those years of figure skating and running in track & field. These legs have carried me most recently on a many hikes around the Pacific Rim National Park.  There was a hike that almost winded me with the amount of stairs I had to climb (note to self, you need to work on your incline cardio work outs huff, puff & wheez).  My legs have been thru quite a lot.  Even at an early age I got my 1st scars on my right leg.  I was playing hide & seek with the neighbourhood kids and I was running fast, tried to hop over these decorative cinderblock in my next door neighbours yard and scrapped the skin off my shin right to the bone. (note to parents everywhere, don't put a "fuzzy" like cloth on a gash like wound, it makes it hard for the ER Dr.'s to pick out fuzzy fabric before stitching your kid up).  However this scar has a story to it, as do all my scars I have, trust me there a lot I was an active child.

As I grew up by the time I was 12 years old I was 5ft 10.5in tall.  I was an oddity, the tallest girl in my class till grade 10, that's when most of the boys caught up with me. By 13 years old I had my 1st signs of stretch marks.  Oh this pinkish lines on my upper thighs by my hips. Still have them today just a few more than I did back then.  That's when I had my 1st "self hate talk" about my body.  No model had stretch marks.  I idolized Christy Turlington, Linda Evanglista, actually all the top models from the late 80's. I wanted to look just like them, but I didn't and I knew my life wasn't over because of that fact either.

Every woman's nightmare ( insert horror movie music) .... cellulite, spider and varicose veins.  Now I know I'm not the only one with lovely and ever so charming leg enhancers.  NOT!   In my late 20's till my 40th year on this earth, I tried it all to make the cellulite go away.  Nothing worked.  I've learned to accept and work with it in my life.  I still wear shorts and bathing suits.  I'm not going to hide away from life in a caftan as I'm too embarrassed to show off my legs.  I have a varicose vein that isn't the prettiest thing either on the outside of my right leg.  Recently I went to see a specialist about it and he told me, " Yes, this isn't attractive, but it isn't causing you harm at this time. We will deal with it later once it causes you pain as the surgery to remove them is painful."  That's good enough for me and walked out of his office with my head held high.  I maybe vain, but not that vain anymore.  Also, most of the men and women in my family have them.  It's like we are our own club. YAHOO!!!    I know there are medical proceedures to remove both Spider and Varicose veins.  They can be quite painful for some but for the most part they are both just unsightly to see especially as a woman we want the youthful, elegant legs we all had as a teenager.

In the end all of these are not what we want on our bodies, but they are apart of most of our lives.  For those of you who may not have any of these, be thankful that you don't. Most of us who do are green with envy of you all.  The rest of us, well put on that bathing suit, wear your shorts, your Capri pants and that dress that sits just above your knee.  Show the world you're not ashamed of the cellulite, the stretch marks and our many spider and bulging varicose veins.  The world isn't smooth, nor are our legs.  Embrace your "flaws". Be brave, be fearless, love your body for what it can do and has done for you.  As I've said it before and I'll say it again and again, no one can love you more than you can love yourself.  You're worth it!  ❤️️️️️️️️NYTS 

Doing the little things to be good to yourself.....drink water

Now I know we all want to be healthy, happy, in love and a fulfilling life.   I'm one of these very people I describe.  I'm on a journey to improve my health for personal health reasons as are most of us out there.  My BIG thing that I need to drastically change is my daily water intake, or lack there of.

I am guilty of not treating my body right by not giving it a lot of a basic thing we all need to survive, water.  I get busy and forget to drink fluids until I'm at the point of being very thirsty.  Most of us are walking around dehydrated and not even knowing it. I have a mantra ever Monday that I need to drink more water daily.  I am trying to be more mindful of this as well.  

    

                 

We all drink beverages to quench our thirst , but we all know water is King.   Drinking plain old tap water can get boring at times so you can switch things up.  My hair salon provides infused water with tropical fruit or mint with cucumber.  I'm trying these out at home and experimenting with different fusions of flavours.  If you are craving a soda pop, try out mineral water such as San Pellagrino, or Perrier that does have options with lime, grapefruit flavours. These are my go to drinks when I'm craving a pop or anything carbonated. 

Water also has so many healthy benefits for your body. It's great for your skin, which is our bodies largest organ. Great for flushing out toxins from your body. Drinking water daily helps with weight loss as well as boosts energy. These are just a few of the benefits of making water a part of your daily routine.

These little changes in the long run all add up to make a big difference. In the end we all want to be healthy and happy so make water a priority daily. I know I'm going to.  ❤️️️️️️️️NYTS 

Marriage.. It isn't always a Cinderella fairy tale but you can try and make it that way.

The story goes like this. Boy meets girl, they go on a few dates, they become serious about one another.  He asks her hand in marriage, and then here comes the bride.  You buy your 1st home, baby's on the way,  you both work hard for all your needs and wants. The kids Billy and Sally are in mini soccer and dance classes.  Mom and dad are running around all over the place all the time that by the end of the day after putting the kids to bed, and cleaning up after a long day, you are tired and passing out on the couch in front of the TV.  Does this sound like your life?  I know it sounds a lot like mine. Yikes!! 

Most of us get so busy in our lives that we feel like we are Cinderella cleaning up after her ugly step sisters and evil step mother.  There isn't time for the happily ever after part with our Prince Charming.  The truth is, there is time to have that "whirlwind" romance, you just up have to make it happen.  We let the romance fizzle out over time.  We put our kids, our jobs, keeping the house clean, running ever day errands, getting the kids to their activities, I could go on and on with this list but I think you get my point.

I'm guilty of these very things in my marriage.  We have had our highs and lows, bright sunny days and stormy ones too.  Love my man with all my heart, but we both admit we both let romance in our marriage go to they wayside.  So like many others, we decided to give our relationship a pulse again and start from square one, we are dating again.  No, not other people but ourselves.  Our kids are older now and we can head out for a few hours to go out to dinner, a movie, walk on the beach, grab a coffee at our local coffee shop. It's so important to keep things fresh in your relationship, to reconnect.  If you don't,  you end up on auto pilot and then you loose your connection with your loved one and you keep drifting apart like we did.   This can lead up to worst case scenario infidelity, ( not in our case) or you get so disconnected from your spouse that you can't remember what you are doing being together still and you end up contemplating  or actually getting a divorce.  I don't think anyone wants to get to either of these states. So let the dating one another again begin.

Planning dates with my hubby is fun.  We have a few places locally we like to go to and they are affordable too.  Walks at your local beach or neighbourhood park, hit up a local cafe or coffee shop.  I'm looking forward to a fondue date with my hubby at Mink Chocolates in South Surrey.  There is also Wendels book store and Cafe in Fort Langley.  We also love our wine.  Check out the many local wineries we have here in the valley just to name a few, Back Yard Vineyard, the Fort Winery, Domaine Chaberton ( they have a great bistro).  There is a great local wine shop, Everything Wine has a wine tasting bar also located in South Surrey and they have a location in North Vancouver.   I'm a bit of a foodie, love trying new things and there are so many places to eat it's crazy. One other thing is we are getting out to the gym together.  Getting our energy up and healthier is key too.  Plus, I think it's kinda sexy seeing my guy work out. 

 The point is get out there and reconnect.  Write love notes to each other, surprise her with a few of her favorite flowers or a tin of her favorite tea.  Bake his favorite cookies or buy him a bottle of craft beer to try out.  It's the little things that add up and show that you still care enough to put the effort in to your relationship to make it better, stronger.

So even if you have young children grab a sitter to just get out for an hour together, it's so worth it.  We where very lucky when our kids where younger we had grandparents look after them.  ( thanks grandma & papa).  Or ask your friends who might be looking to babysit for you in return for you babysitting for them as we did this too and it worked out great.   Romance doesn't just happen folks, you have to take the time to make it a part of your lives.  In the end just Smile, hug, have that longer lingering kiss as you run out the door to go to work, hold hands, snuggle up on the couch, say, " I love you" often. The basics are the foundation to a strong lasting relationship and a healthy marriage. 

❤️️️️️️️️NYTS 

I have an addiction..... Carbohydrates and the are my deliciousness muse.

I grew up in a home based in a blend of Italian and Norwegen cooking as well as American style.  Coming home after school as a kid my mom made home made chocolate chip cookies, rickety uncle bars or cupcakes.  Those smell where comforting after a day at school.  It was what moms did and still do for their kids.  After ice skating practice  we would come home to dinners of pasta and meat balls, burgers, rice, baked potatoes and roast beef.   We ate well as my grandparent had a farm and we got fresh beef every year in our freezer.  I never knew you got meat from the store, we got it from grandpas as a kid till he sold the family farm for a simpler life.

Carbohydrate filled meals where a part of our lives.  Nonna made Gnocchi from scratch on special occasions, home made pies while the men bailed hay in the fall, she made the best pancakes on her well seasoned cast iron fry pan on Sunday mornings and the cookie tin was always full for when us kids came over to visit which was a lot when I was younger.   I had a wonderful & very active childhood and most of my memories are surrounded by the foods we ate. 

When I grew up and moved out on my own, my boyfriend ( who's now my hubby) and I didn't have much money for groceries so we ate a lot of pasta, rice based dishes and grill cheese and soup dinners.  It was our comfort foods as kids.  It also was quick and easy to say the least when you are on a fixed income.  This way of eating has stayed with us through the years as we had kids and these where staples in our diet, however we no longer excersized like we did when we where younger to burn off these meals. 

I at 42.5 years old have come to a point in my life where I need to make amends with my body.  I need to face the truth, I have a food addiction to Carbs.  Plain and simple.  This addiction coupled with lack of excersize and bouts of moment of depression got me to where I am with my weight. It's not overly bad but it's not good either.  I need to make changes to my relationship with this food group.  This sweet & savory food group.  Think about it, there are cookies, cakes, pastas, breads, buns, rice, white potatoes, doughnuts, bars, I could go on with this list but it would make me hungry.

I'm also an emotional eater.  I turn to this food group for the various amounts of comfort food it provides.  Having a bad day, eat a plate of pasta, fight with a loved one , get a doughnut, friends over for drinks, cheese and crackers.  Happy or sad I reach for these foods. 

I know I'm not the only human being on this planet who has this addiction.  It has taken me a very long time to be honest with myself and the ones I love that this is a problem for me.  Now I'm sure you have to ask me if I'm giving up on carbs completely?  My answer is simply No.  We do need carbs in our life to function.  I am however becoming more aware of how much I eat and lessening the amout I'm consuming each day.  I have tried to give up carbs in the past and it didn't work well.  I did loose weight but gained it all back once I ate carbs again.  So the lesson I'm learning now is to eat in moderation.  It will not be easy but I know I can do it as it's just not an option anymore for me this carb filled lifestyle.

So instead a whole baked potato I'll have 1/2 of one.  No more full plates of pasta and sauce, but 1/4 of my plate, 1 cookie instead of 3.  You get the point I'm try to get across.  Also I'm trying to cut out sugar drinks like pop as it's just not good for you unless I'm craving a rum and coke drink (yum!).  I'm still going to enjoy the foods I love as hey I only have one time on this planet and I want to enjoy it, but be healthier about it. 

I hope my honesty on this topic helps someone else on their journey.  I'm a plus size girl loves her womanly curves, but also a woman who needs to shave a few of the sizes off my frame not for vanity reasons but purely based on my health and wellness. 

I wish you all love and good health. ❤️️️️️️️NYTS 

Fresh starts. Why and when, well that up to you.

I like most of us have tried to make changes in our lives on various levels.  For some it's to loose weight, get in shape, learn a new language, dealing with mental health, seaking help from professionals for various things.  I could have the list go on and on. However, most of us we can talk up a good talk about what we want from our lives, the changes we want to make, but most of us never have these come to reality.  Why is that?   Are we scared, fear of failure, judgement from others holding you back, listening you your inner voice that tells you that you're not worthy of change?  

I know I have been through all of those very things and then some.  I've done the New Years resolutions only to let my inner voice tell me I'm not worth the time and effort.  I made excuses to not put myself 1st for a very long time, repeatedly. Or I do stuff 1/2 way and don't see myself thru to the end of a 10 week class that I enrolled in.  Let's see that's happened with, yoga, tap, ballet, even a book club and I love to read.  Why is it that we " set up ourselves" for "failure"?  I've had my share of excuses as well so legit ( knee injury) and others let's be honest I was lazy.  Call a spade a spade.

Now I comend each and everyone of us of trying new things, we should.  I have a saying, " I need to learn something new and laugh each and every day."   I think that's reasonable, don't you.  I can be simple things that we learn, like one moms name you've been trying to figure out school each day for the last few months ( she told you on day 1 but you forgot and where afraid to look silly to ask her again).  Laughing, laughing is something I try to do everyday, it cures so much in such a few short seconds. 

I guess what I'm trying to get out there is keep on trying new things even if you " fail" as it's better to try something new over again that to not try at all.  So go out there sign up for that yoga class, learn a new language, join a new book club, try to learn a new style of cooking, just as long as you keep trying you will eventually succeed. When you decide to try, well that's up to you, but keep on try going.  NO for me now means New Options.  ❤️️️️️️️NYTS 

   

     

Happy New Year... Are you making any resolutions?

Happy New Year!!!  Welcome to 2016.  The 1st day of a new year, a fresh book to write your story, get into shape, make life changes, learn a new language, travel to far off places.  I've done it for many years, the resolutions for the new year.  Heck we all do it.  Some of us crash and burn by the end of January with the best of intentions and some of us stick with our new choices in life and make a go of goals and succeed with their goals. 

In the past years like most of us, I've done the resolutions to get into shape, live healthier, travel more, be a better mom, friend, wife.  However this year something changed with me.  I can't pin point what made this change on my outlook on life, but I'm not making a New Years Resolution.  I find that the many lack lustre attempts I've made to make changes as of January 1st to me are unrealistic.  I'm not being a Debbie downer however I'm being authentic and truthful to myself.  Of course I want all the things I've listed above, but why does it have to start on January 1st of a new year?  Why can't we start to make changes any time of year?  I think there is less pressure, less let down and less likely to feel bad about ourselves if we "fail" at our new goals.   I just want the next 365 days to be better than the last and boy do I look forward to what 2016 holds in store for me and each new day is a gift.

I wish for you all the best this New Year, love, laughter, good health, joy and prosperity. ❤️️️️️️NYTS