Owning myself and my hangups.

When I say " Owning myself and my hangups", I am speaking of trying to understand as to how I got to where I am today, physically, mentally and soulfully.   These three components of each of our lives are all intertwined, wether we like it or not. The mental state we are in can effect the way we are physically and soulfully, and so on and so on.  You get where I am going with this.  I need to break these three components of my life down, so here we go.

Mentally.  I have a few views in my head that I feel are on loop, kinda like a hamster on the wheel.  Some days I feel amazing, confident and beautiful. I own my feelings, but they tend to waver.  I then start the negative self talk.  It goes like this,"Oh you know you be more attractive if you lost 70 lbs, People will respect you more if you weren't so overweight, Look at yourself in a mirror and see all that fat* on your body that so gross,  God how did you let your self go and get so out of shape?", and so on. This part of my "loop" is debilitating Mentally, Physically and Soulfully, it crushes me.  The last part of my loop is my inner cheerleader after my negative self talk.  I puff up my self esteem and think, hey for my physical and mental health I know I have to move my body, it can be going to the gym, taking our dog for a walk, or just dancing in the house like no ones watching.  It's been proven that if we move our bodies for even 15 -30 minutes a day it can help with depression and mental fog.  I own my mental loop and what it does to me.  I need to figure out how to  remove that nasty negative self talk part of the it as I would never say that to anyone else in my life, why should I accept that kind of verbal assault about me?  No one should. (* I hate the work fat and try very hard to remove that from my vocabulary.  For me its like the "C" word for most women)

Physically,  There are days I wake up and my body feels amazing and others I hurt all over.  I have a sore mid upper back,  my right Knee aches from many years of punishment in my youth as a figure skater and other injuries along the way and in my 40's planters facetious.  At one time in my life I was super flexible, toned, in shape.  I'm not going to lie and say I have health issues, thats why I got to be where I am physically. I'm owning the facts that I stopped caring, I got lazy and complacent. I would tell myself, "you had a rough day, you can start tomorrow".  It became a habit.  This is also apart of where my mental state would affect my physical state.  I know what I have to do to be healthy, we all do and there is no magical pill out there, no fad diet to which we can live on forever.  It takes hard work and eating a balance diet.  No one is perfect not even those who grace the covers of the health style magazines (which are photoshopped I might add).  I love my curves and hourglass figure, I need to have it in better shape and toned up.  I'm not looking to be a size 4 but I would be completely thrilled to be a 14.

Soulfully,  I feel beaten up.  I have had my fair share of crap going on in my life, some which I have shared with you all here and some that are very private I tell only those closest to me or no one.  When one is not Mentally positive and feeling Physically positive, it effects how ones soul and spirit feels.  It throws you off centre, and creates a shit storm in your life.  Taking time out do what's right for your spirit is the best thing anyone can do.  Be it meditation, taking a hot bath with no interruption, a walk with nature. Recharge your batteries however you see fit.

Now I have proclaimed in my last blog that I was going to get my life in order and my ducks in a row.  The process  isn't going to happen over night to be healthy in all parts of my life, as it didn't happen over night to get to this point in my life either.  It will be a journey with bumps along the way and that's ok.  But owning who I am, how I got to here and now and knowing I can and will do better for myself  is all I can ask of me.  It's all any of us can do is own our B.S. and be better, healthier, happier versions of who we are.  And if you have naysayers in your life, you don't need their negativity ruining your mojo, step away from them and surround yourself  with those who are like minded in your new way thinking.  Be happy, be joyful and love yourself completely. xo NYTS